It Just Gets Weirder…

Seriously… I’m moving into an isolated cave somewhere.  My life is just to dramatic these days.  I’m so over it.

Here’s a little tidbit of info that I don’t really discuss much:  When I was either 6 or 7, my mother placed a baby for adoption.  He was adopted by a couple in our same state, and it was to be an open adoption once he turned 5.  When I was 16, he came and stayed with us a couple of times.  First with his mom (his parents divorced), and then once by himself.  It was really weird for me.  The second time he came, I was actually living with my dad so I didn’t spend any time with him.

Fast forward to about 10 years ago.  He contacted my mom out of the blue and told her that he wanted to reconnect with us.  He told her about some pretty awful things that happened to him when he was growing up, and that he had actually been accused of some pretty terrible things himself.  I know he even did some jail time (juvenile detention) in his late teens.

He has contacted me a couple of times since I have been married, but everything was really distant on my side.  I know it sounds heartless, but I never really felt attached to him, and honestly he has always made me uncomfortable.  The last time I talked to him was about a year and half ago.  He called to tell me that he thought he was bisexual and was worried that I would hate him.  I told him that it didn’t really matter to me, and that it didn’t bother me at all.  We moved past that part of the conversation easily, and we talked about our families.  He always asks about my kids, and has a really good memory.  He asked about Lucy, and asked about my (at the time) new baby, Emma.  Just general stuff… nothing too deep.  He always tells me things that are HIGHLY inappropriate, and make me really uncomfortable.  I really dread his phone calls, but feel obligated to talk to him.  I know he is just searching for a connection, but he always tries too hard.  He works really hard to try to impress me, always telling me about his new possessions and how he makes so much money, etc., etc.  It makes me feel bad, but I don’t know what to say.  I just listen.

So… today.  Evan’s brother called me to ask if I knew a “John Doe” (of course I’m not going to tell you his name…).  He had gotten a voicemail from him – on his cellphone – explaining that he had been looking for me for 3 years and was Evan’s brother-in-law.  My BIL didn’t return the call, but just texted his phone number to me.  I was at a birthday party, so I didn’t really do anything about it at the time.  As I was leaving the party I noticed I had a FB notification for a friend request.  When I pulled it up, it was from “Lucy Ann Doe”.  I recognized the last name, and thought how weird it was that it was the exact first and middle name of MY Lucy.  I thought maybe John got married, and how strange it was that she just happened to have the same name.  When I got home, I looked a little closer… IT WAS HIM!!!  He was in an awful wig and makeup, and had changed his name TO MY DAUGHTER’S NAME!!!!

I am completely in shock, and honestly… VERY creeped out.  If he wants to be a woman – fine – I don’t care in the slightest… but when I saw his pictures it really freaked me out.  He doesn’t look sane.  Like, not even a little.  And to change his name to Lucy’s?!?  And then to try to track me down again?  So, SO creepy.  Usually, he has called my mom a couple of times, and even my brother before he calls me.  But to be solely looking for me… so weird.  I am wracking my brain trying to remember what photos I emailed him and his wife a few years ago before they divorced.  I know I sent one of Evan and I, because he very rudely commented on Evan’s weight gain since he had last seen him (Yeah, who DOESN’T gain weight between being 18 and 30?), but I can’t remember if I sent him any of Lucy.  I know he hasn’t seen Emma.  I am really worried about this.  Every alarm in my body is going off.  Given his past criminal history (it was a molestation charge against him) and these current changes, I know he is not “all there”.  I also know that at one point I gave him my address so that he could send me a Christmas card (that I never got).

What would you do?  This is not okay, right?  Am I totally over-reacting?  Does this not sound a little horror-storyish?  Long lost brother, desperately seeking a connection, criminal history, assumes Lucy’s name and becomes a woman… Um, freaky, right?  OH!  And he drives a truck for a living, and has told me before that he comes up this way a couple of times a month.

I’m trying not to vomit, but I am really freaked out.  Someone calm me down!  (Or at least tell me I’m not crazy, and panic is justified!)


3 comments on “It Just Gets Weirder…

  1. buafter says:

    Um yeah that is totes weird. Also can you send me that pic? I’m obviously going to need to see it. 😉 All kidding aside, I’m not sure there’s much you can do besides cease contact and be on the lookout for him just in case.

  2. Mrs. Gamgee says:

    Yeah, that qualifies as creepy and weird. You are totally justified in cutting off all contact with him. Try to stay aware of him, in a very peripheral way, just so you know which way to run if you have to (and also, some red flags immediately raised for me about identity theft issues… best to keep tabs on him a bit) And if he continues to try to contact you, I would look into the process of getting a restraining order. You don’t need that kind of crazy in your life.

  3. Annie says:

    Just back from vacation and saw this. Definitely creepy. Run away! The scary thing is that even if you tell him ‘no contact’ he could still show up anytime and anywhere. With his criminal history, you have to be on the lookout to keep your girls safe.

    Keeping a family member estranged from you, even when you know it’s for good reason and the right thing to do, is still hard. There’s the guilt trip because he’s family and because he’s been through such tough times and because maybe he could turn things around with a little help, etc etc etc. I am estranged from some family members because of their crazy behavior and I sometimes feel like an awful person because I cut them off, but dealing with their crazy doesn’t help them, doesn’t help me, and certainly doesn’t help my family. All that can be done here is to choose the best of the bad options.

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